Message Forums
Register  |   |   |  Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment   Page 1 of 2      1   2   Next
thisisspain

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 338
Reply with quote  #1 
(With apologies to /acknowledgements to a certain Mr W Gates)

I recently gave a talk about 11 things they did not and will not teach would-be expats. I spoke about how feel-good, commission-hungry estate agents created a generation of expats with no concept of reality and how this "dream" set them up for failure in the real Spain.

Rule 1: Expat life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2 : Expats and Spaniards alike will not care about your previous life. They will expect you to accomplish something in expatshire BEFORE you are respected. Able seamen become admirals, DIY enthusiasts become Master Builders. Shelf-stackers become supermarket magnates. Nobody cares - get used to it. They will expect you to pay your round.

Rule 3 : You will NOT make 60,000 euros a year as you come straight off the plane. You won't be employed and you won't get a contract until you earn both.

Rule 4 : If you think the UK is tough, wait till you try Spain.

Rule 5 : Villa cleaning is not beneath your dignity. A previous generation of expats had a different word for villa cleaning; they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your neighbours' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you arrived, the traffic police weren't as tough as they are now. They got that way from dealing with expats with no paperwork, no insurance, no ITV and listening to you bang on about how you thought you were in the right. So before you abuse another officer to his face or on a forum, try getting your UK car registered here. Just because you have not done it for 7 years does not make it legal.

Rule 8: The UK may have done away with winners and losers, but Spain HAS NOT. In the UK, they have a welfare state that supports people when they fall. They'll give to you as MANY TIMES as you want to - housing benefit, disability allowances, single-parent allowances, job-seeker allowances, free dental care and a NHS service that has got itself on its knees with more administrators than surgeons. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in Spain.

Rule 9: Expat life is not divided into seasons. You don't get summers off from paying bills and very few landlords or mortgage lenders are interested in helping you "FIND YOURSELF IN SPAIN".
Do that on your own time. Do that with your own money.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the bar and go to look for work. The prices on "A Place in the Sun" are pre the introdcution of the euro ....and it rains!

Rule 11: Be nice to Spaniards. Chances are you'll end up needing one to help you. LEARN SPANISH...................................................you will not integrate and prosper with just English.

(Rule 11b -your new Spanish footbal club will drive you to distraction with its change of k.o. times, increase in prices, inability to communicate with you (in any language!) and a general attitude of "We make the rules". Remember that your favourite club in your native country did just the same - get used to it and get behind your new team ....which should be Málaga!)
_________________
Steve


__________________
Kind Regards
Steve
http://www.thisisspain.info
Chocky

Admin
Registered:
Posts: 5,019
Reply with quote  #2 
Excellent post!

I'd like to add another few, not rules, just observations and corrections of many UK people's view of us here:

12. The whole of the Costa del Sol is not Blackpool and we don't all eat egg and chips every night, wear Union Jack speedos and have hankies on our heads.

13. The 'Costa del Crime' is a term used in the 70s and 80s before the boys got rounded up and sent back or moved off to pastures new fleeing the extradition laws. South London is 15 million times worse and add to that the hooded scum on the streets stabbing everyone - I would be afraid to walk out the door back there now. "Oh you moved to the Costa del Crime did you?" No, I didn't now piss off and go back to watching rubbish on Bravo about drunken tourist teenagers kicking the shite out of each other in 24 Hour Square every year.

14. "It's just as expensive in Spain as it in back in the UK now". Rubbish. If you want to shop at expensive supermarkets that import everything, drink and eat in touristy bars and restaurants, or spend your nights out in Puerto Banus, then yes you may have a point. And don't forget, if you're charged 5 euros somewhere for a vodka and orange, you will still be getting 3 or 4 times as much vodka as the pathetic optics in blighty.

15. It's very easy to have a drink problem creep up on you. The coast is littered with alcoholics and drink dependents. And piss-heads like me. Hoot the Pacharán!

16. Some winters, like this one, it rains.

17. And rains.

18. And rains.

19. And rains.

20. Oh and has tornadoes.


__________________
http://cpfc.org · The UK's largest online football community
thisisspain

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 338
Reply with quote  #3 

Absolutely .... and don't forget it RAINS! (LOL)

I remember the winter of 92. It rained every single day in February. You could almost ski fown the hill from 24-Hour Square to Benal Beach Hotel. Some new slippery tiles (well done to the ayuntamiento!) covered with pouring rain, turned it into the Cresta Run. It was safer to walk in the middle of the road and remind yourself why it was called "The Highway of Death". (Actually that was a dumb name as before the autovia there was so much traffic on the coast road that between 5am and 2am nobody could get into 2nd gear to cause an accident! OMG after that time all you heard was the ambulances speeding through to scrape up those who had decided to get from Málaga to Marbella in less than a day!

Anybody in Málaga last Sunday? Wow, did it rain!?!?!

25 injured and taken to hospital but fortunately nobody too serious. I wonder what our pitch will be like today? Another Barcelona mud-bath?




__________________
Kind Regards
Steve
http://www.thisisspain.info
RexFlin

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 761
Reply with quote  #4 

Quote:
Originally Posted by thisisspain
(Actually that was a dumb name as before the autovia there was so much traffic on the coast road that between 5am and 2am nobody could get into 2nd gear to cause an accident!

From experience I have sadly concluded that the driving practices of those in sunny 'Spain' are so utterly appaling that one does NOT have to progress upwards of "2nd Gear" to be involved in a road traffic incident.
Other nations of course can also fall into this category.

One of the songs in my extensive repertoire is 'Unforgettable' and this sums up some of my experiences in Spain and in other parts of Europe.

Rex


__________________
The notes I handle no better than many pianists. But the pauses between the notes - ah, that is where the art resides! ~Artur Schnabel
thisisspain

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 338
Reply with quote  #5 
I have only been in one accident here - a dustcart decided to drive over the TOP of my car - less than 500kms on the clock. Apparently there are different rules for dustbin drivers. They do not need to stop on roundabouts and can continue on - even though that puts the other driver in hospital with a broken collar bone (I was soooooooooooooo lucky!)

This was at 8am on the 2 January. I am "sure" the other guy had not had a single drink all Christmas. That's why the policeman would have thought it a complete waste of time to breathalyse him! (That and the fact that they were probably cousins, played darts together etc etc) MMMMMM.

Interesting point though - the guy immediately admitted responsibility and as he was on the local council PL insurance I had not problems with them paying up for the hospital and the replacement car (24,000 euros) As he was not breathalysed I was OK. If he HAD BEEN bagged and found positive then the council insurance would have been null and void and I would have had to issue a private claim against him. Can you imagine how much fun I could have had trying to get the monet from him. How many dustbin drivers do we know that have 24k just ready to pass on?

The thing that I really notice about Spaniards is there ability to designate ANYWHERE as their parking area. Absolutely anywhere and with no thought whatsoever about who he blocks in and for how long etc etc

The only rider on that is that they seem to have exemplary respect for disabled parking bays. I have two near me and they are never used even though people are having to park 3 streets away. Impressive.  

 

__________________
Kind Regards
Steve
http://www.thisisspain.info
RexFlin

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 761
Reply with quote  #6 

Quote:
Originally Posted by thisisspain
and with no thought whatsoever about who he blocks in and for how long etc etc 
 

You would get your darned 'Block' knocked off if this repugnant and thoughtless act was carried out in certain less salubrious parts of the 'UK'.

To introduce another linkage to my repertoire, in Spain "It could happen to you" !

Rex


__________________
The notes I handle no better than many pianists. But the pauses between the notes - ah, that is where the art resides! ~Artur Schnabel
thisisspain

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 338
Reply with quote  #7 
Well, I have just been reading today's Sur in the café. 4 radar cameras were installed in Málaga last week and already are recording 1,400 motorists exceeding the speed limits. http://www.diariosur.es/20090209/malaga/radares-fijos-cazan-conductores-20090209.html

The most amazing thing is: "El 2,3% de los vehículos que circularon por las cuatro calles donde están instalados infringieron el límite de velocidad"

I would have thought it would be "El 2,3% de los vehículos que circularon por las cuatro calles donde están instalados NO infringieron el límite de velocidad"

15 idiots have been caught doing 100kmh+ in these residential areas. Mad!

__________________
Kind Regards
Steve
http://www.thisisspain.info
Chocky

Admin
Registered:
Posts: 5,019
Reply with quote  #8 
It's in the Spanish Highway Code - Section 8a, Andalucía

"It is compulsory, when travelling on the outside lane on a dual carriageway, to tailgate the vehicle in front of you, to within 20cm distance, continually flashing your lights, knowing full well that the vehicle in front of you has no means of pulling over as the inside lane is end to end slow lorries."

Section 8b, Andalucía

"It is also compulsory to 'undertake' at 120kmh using the inside lane to pass a vehicle travelling in the middle lane - you may also use the hard shoulder for this purpose"

Section 8c, Andalucía

"It is perfectly acceptable to be travelling at 60kmh on a toll road weaving from lane to lane whilst you text your mistress to tell her you're on your way there"

Section 8d, FAO North African immigrants

"You must, at all times when travelling on the toll roads, have the entire contents of not just your home, but your entire families homes as well, crammed into and on top of your shitty 1986 Nissan, with your entire family stuffed underneath it all. Be sure to be smoking with one hand and scratching your nuts with the other."


__________________
http://cpfc.org · The UK's largest online football community
thisisspain

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 338
Reply with quote  #9 
Chocky you have left out a vital new sub-section

It now reads:

Section 8c, Andalucía

"It is perfectly acceptable to be travelling at 60kmh on a toll road weaving from lane to lane whilst you text your mistress to tell her you're on your way there whilst talking to your wife on the other phone complaining that your xxxx boss has sent you to Madrid again"

The other section that you overlooked was the "It is compulsory to double or even triple park on zebra crossing - particularly the ones on busy x-roads. If you think you will be there for more than 15 minutes then put your blinkers on but if you are only going to queue in the bank, correos or whatever just wind the windows down and tell your 6 year old passenger to tell anybody that you'll be back soon." They will understand as they do the same themselves. If you completely block the road doing this it does not matter as you only stop people going to work and they hate the job anyway, so they should be grateful."

Is that bit not in your "Guide", Chocky? In Spain, I think we have a "guide" to driving, in the UK it's a "code" and in Germany it's a "law". Perhaps that explains the drivers' attitudes LOL   

__________________
Kind Regards
Steve
http://www.thisisspain.info
RexFlin

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 761
Reply with quote  #10 

Quote:
Originally Posted by thisisspain
Is that bit not in your "Guide", Chocky? In Spain, I think we have a "guide" to driving, in the UK it's a "code" and in Germany it's a "law". Perhaps that explains the drivers' attitudes LOL   

There is a saying that "Those who fail to be GUIDED by the rudder get taught by the rocks".

Rex

__________________
The notes I handle no better than many pianists. But the pauses between the notes - ah, that is where the art resides! ~Artur Schnabel
BazHullandMalagaCF

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 106
Reply with quote  #11 
Well lads these postings cheered me up on a chilly but unusually bright Sunday morning
I've got some questions for you all if you don't mind me asking;
A) How do you get round the health situation, do you keep an address in "blighty" so that you keep in with the NHS?

B) Is health insurance in Spain compulsory or rather vital; is it expensive?

C) What sort of work is there in Spain  my wife is a nurse and I am an NVQ assessor. I am learning Spanish but am about three years away from being fluent.

Just thought I'd ask a few burning questions. My auntie died  a year ago with cancer and she got good treatment in Spain she lived in Benalmadina and owned the Swan in Bonanza square for a few years.
My uncle is still there in Gamanol and I'm visiting him to coenside with the Seville match in March.
I love Spain  and would love to live there as I suffer with asthma in the winter months in England  and hate the cold
Realistically it Will be quite a few years before I will get the chance but its a move I would wish to make eventually and risk getting run over

__________________
Wise men say only fools rush in (like i did twice!)
Chocky

Admin
Registered:
Posts: 5,019
Reply with quote  #12 
If you work legally here you are entitled to medical care and you get a 'national health' card. I also have a health insurance plan with a Spanish company Medfiatc who for €50 a month cover you for their extensive range of medical centres and hospitals throughout whole of Spain. They cover you for anywhere in Europe and even if you are treated in certain hospitals in the USA. You get a number to ring if you need a doctor to come to your home, emergency number in case of accident, oh and a free dental check up and clean once a year.

As for work, Spain has the highest unemployment rate in Europe at the moment I think! So many people have gone back to the UK over the last few months.


__________________
http://cpfc.org · The UK's largest online football community
BazHullandMalagaCF

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 106
Reply with quote  #13 
Thank you "choccy"
Actually i pay £18 a month for den plan so only as an estimate I'm E28 short of the full monty
I am sure that things will pick up eventually and Spain will be bustling  again so I don;t want to miss the boat this time and am looking for a foot hold in Spain.
Not quite sure how i'm going to do it though
 Anyway great win for Malaga 1-3 thank god for the tinternet.
Can't wait for the derby v Seville.
Warm rain Grrrreat


__________________
Wise men say only fools rush in (like i did twice!)
Maidstoned

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 123
Reply with quote  #14 

Get an "E111" (?) card from the local UK post office, this entitles you to free medicare anywhere in the EU. Then you won't have to go throught the stress of watching one of your colleagues pumping claret from his head, after falling from a lorry trailer, recieveing NO treatment because the para-medics wanted to see proof of his healthcare eligibility.


__________________
Glory Hunting git!

http://www.heartfmspain.com, the true sound of the Pena.
MalagaBee

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 700
Reply with quote  #15 
Going back to the original theme of this thread (or fairly close to it), it really pees me off when I hear some guiri pronunciations or renaming of Spanish places.

The rather famous Marina west of Marbella is called PUERTO Banús, not PORTO, take note PBT amongst many others. In English the word is port in Spanish puerto, Porto is a place in Portugal where they actually speak Portuguese.

There is nowhere in Fuengirola called Post Office Street nor does Benalmadena boast Palm Tree Avenue, although it does have a place called Avenida las Palmeras.

Playa Cristo in Estepona does not translate as Crystal Beach nor does its main square, Plaza de las Flores, become Orange Square. That is a place in Marbella which actually translates to Orange TREE square.

Posts like this somewhat take my mind off the highs and lows of Barcelona and Numancia.

__________________
I don't get nearly enough credit in life for the things I manage not to say.
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.